I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
