I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
