member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
