it wasn't lemon gatorade
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
