you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
