i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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