Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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