Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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