i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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