Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
