New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
