one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
