You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
