dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
