I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
