he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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