All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
