More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize