She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just pee around me
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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