if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
