Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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