He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
