so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize