I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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