okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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