Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
