She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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