well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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