my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
