Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
