i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
