Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
