i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
