I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
