i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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