Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Panties = found
Randomize
