My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
