I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize