i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It's like God shit irony all over that family
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
