we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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