All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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