So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
