Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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