PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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