Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
