hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
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