Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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