I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
