I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
