i permit you to call me
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize