you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize