you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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