Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Randomize
