Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
