Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
