Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So here I am, sexting at work.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
