The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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