The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
