Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
