I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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