i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
