is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
