i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
