Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
