then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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