I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
