ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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