how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
