Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
