Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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