I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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