What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
