Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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