i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
