Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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