I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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