I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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